Letting Go Without Losing Touch

Letting Go Without Losing Touch


My dad died July 16, 2008. Congestive Heart Failure. Over the last 5 years of his life he would comment that IT was "a slippery slope."



I was grieving before he died and I'm still grieving, which might or might not be 'normal' by someone else's standards, but for me it is what it is. I'm dealing with it.



It creeps up on me several times a day. Today I was struggling to screw a hook into a sinker in a brick wall, to hold a bracket for a lamp, a "hickey" (dad word,) and in my frustration at the prospect of having yet one more thing to get done around here, I heard in my brain," I'll fik it", (dad term said in light-hearted determination when faced with a broken or 'not-right thing'.)



This is my grieving, and when it happens it makes me want to exhale, (vomit) my sadness. But I suck it up and keep on keeping on. Just like I've been taught to do. No time to sit and cry and feel bad. The "whim-whams" have to be overcome. Just go forward. Survive this recession. Go get business!



Dad was the one who had a "Never Give Up" poster on his office wall, years past, when life had become very tough for he and my mom. She credits herself with getting him out of bed many mornings, which I believe. That poster was just a backup.



With his illness, it annoyed him, to put it lightly, to feel himself becoming weak. He would exclaim "Well, Hell, there's nothing wrong with me!" when I'd stupidly insinuated he should put his feet up or ask if there was something I could do for him. Eventually, he came to terms with it.

What choice did he have...



My clients, many of them seniors, are suffering through the loss of a spouse or other VIP, and have been through what I am going through many times in the past, no doubt.

I can appreciate this more now. Death is harsh.



When I work with them to downsize their personal belongings and move them forward to their next home. I ask them to "let go" of their stuff, the things that are outdated, not useful any longer, worn out, and sometimes they leave behind the good things, which I take to charity or sell for them.



Letting go of belongings is also letting go of the emotional attachment to it. I have sat through stories and tears with more than one client. I cajole and do my best to keep them on track. Sometimes they rear up in resistance, get angry, blame me for their situation, but eventually we move on.



The death of my father is the precursor to my mother's downsizing. She decided for several reasons, including health, to move in with my sister and brother in law and my 13 year old nephew. There she can have her own suite and as close to a normal family life as is possible. She's in the midst of the downsizing and packing process, and seems to be managing it well, and has not asked me for my assistance, since, after all- she trained me...



I just came back from my parent's house, with, among several inherited treasures, my dad's special mid-century chair. He and mom purchased it in 1956 right after they married, with other special, very " hip" furnishings which they brought to their tiny town in central PA. Dad also purchased the first Chevrolet Corvette ever to grace the roads of that beautiful valley, in 1954.



(He was interested in innovation and progress, not willing to settle for Victorian" fluff"; the stuff of his mother and her sisters.)



This chair is an icon of that era and a symbol that I relate directly to him and my childhood. As a little kid, I would lie on my back on the ottoman and twirl around observing the geography of the ceiling, deep in thought, wondering what it would be like to walk on the ceiling and wondering why I couldn't.



That chair seems strange and foreign here in my home. I walk into the room and subconsciously ignore it, in denial that it is empty of him, I guess. An adjustment I'm going through, like squinting to see in the dark. Last night I sat in it, closed my eyes and observed being there. Quietly, for once.



Staying in touch with my history, my memories, while being present to my present is a challenge.

The "Great" Estate RE-Cycle! Sell, Salvage, Donate, RE-cycle. Trash is Last!

Check out the info on How Mission Transition runs our Estate Sales and Clean Outs.

http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs023/1102632010301/archive/1103138925399.html

April Newsletter: Reflections from Days Spent in "The Nest." Packrats and Hoarders...

Take Note...Mission:Transition is the Gunk and Junque Exterminator.
Since 1999, I've been rattling the cages of Packrats throughout the DC METRO!


http://archive.constantcontact.com/fs023/1102632010301/archive/1103333352633.html

ZEN and the Organizationally Deficient

Maybe it's about focus. Like taking that time to sit and stare at the wall and count to 10, and do it until your thoughts stop counting just IS.




1-2-3, did i take the bread out of the oven... 1-2, it WAS my turn! 1-2, if he doesn't save some money, 1-2-3-4, it's a nice day, what am i doing in here..., 1-2-3-4-5-hmmm, i got to 5, 1-2-3-4-, drat!, 1-2-3-4-5-6 what a waste of time... 1-2-3-4-5, so much to do...1-2-3-4-5-6-7-this is supposed to help me get organized?, 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8, what tha! 1-2- oh god, 1-2-3, 3's a charm, 1-2-3-4, dog biscuits..., 1-2-3-4-5, this stinks..., 1-2-3-4-5-6-7, how could he treat me...1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-, oh shit...and on, No right, no wrong. One day they say given enough time to clear the mental jibber-jabber you reach serenity.


Getting focused is a practice, too.  Striving for impeccability is just that: Striving. It is all in the Practice of it. Process. Keep working at it.


Here is a link that I like. The Simple Living Manifesto, 72 ideas to simplify your life.


Maybe making it simple, makes IT simpler.

http://zenhabits.net/2007/09/simple-living-manifesto-72-ideas-to-simplify-your-life

Valentine Day Downsizing Workshop sponsored by Rina Kunk of McEnearney and Associates, DCAreaHouseHunter.com

http://www.dcareahousehunter.com/

The MISSION:TRANSITION Seniors IN-HOME Safety Check List for Self Assessment

                                    301-332-5585

MISSION:TRANSITION                  missiontransition@gmail.com

SENIORS SELF ASSESSMENT-CHECK LIST FOR HOME SAFETY

 
Falls are the most common of home accidents: falls from ladders or stairs and trips or slips on floors or sidewalks. Senior Citizens are most likely to be the victims of falls. Falls in the home cause over 6100 deaths each year.

 
Fires and burns are second in frequency of home accidents. Actual burns or asphyxiation from smoke or toxic fumes are the major problems. Senior Citizens are frequent victims. Fire and burns in the home cause over 3900 deaths each year.

 
The following checklist designed to help eliminate some of the major causes of falls and fires in the home. Please take a moment to go through your home and identify hazards in your home so that you can correct them.

 
YES    NO    CORRECTED    GENERAL SAFETY

• Emergency numbers in large print are placed near each telephone.
• The "Vile of Life" is updated and placed on the refrigerator.
• Telephone or personal contact is made with a friend, neighbor or relative daily, so someone knows you are okay.
• There is a telephone near the bed.
• Water temperature is set at 120 degrees or less.
• You have your furnace cleaned and serviced yearly.
• Household chemicals and matches are properly stored away from food
• Cleaners, disinfectants and insecticides are stored in original containers.
• Medicine cabinets are secured and checked regularly for outdated medications, which are disposed of properly.
• Canes, walkers and wheelchairs are in good condition.
• You take the time needed and avoid rushing when moving around the home (to answer the phone or go to the bathroom) outside the home (to catch the bus, etc).

 
YES    NO    CORRECTED     FALL PREVENTION

• All stairways are clear of objects which could cause a person to trip.
• All stairways have a firmly anchored handrail.
• All stairways are well-lighted.
• All throw rugs are skid-proof and lay flat on the floor.
• All carpets are securely anchored.
• All entrance ways, exits, halls and walks are well-lighted.
• Night lights are used to prevent stumbling around in the dark.
• All walks, porches and doorways are clear of obstacles.
• All hard-surfaced floors are clean and spills are wiped up immediately.
• Proper footwear is worn to prevent slips, trips and falls.
• Bath tubs and showers have non-skid strips or suction mats in them.
• Grab bars are installed in bathtubs and showers.
• Electrical cords and telephone cords are placed out of high-traffic areas.
• Furniture is arranged so a path is clear for people to walk around the room safely.
• The floor is kept clear of clutter (magazines, books, boxes, blankets, towels, shoes and other objects).
• Frequently used kitchen items are kept on lower shelves.
• A sturdy step-stool with a bar to hold on to (or handles)is available for reaching objects on high shelves.

 
YES    NO    CORRECTED     SMOKE ALARMS

• Your home has at least one smoke alarm on every level.
• All smoke alarms are in good working order (clean, free of dust and grime).
• All smoke alarms are less than 10 years old.
• Smoke alarms are tested monthly.
• Smoke alarm batteries are replaced every 6-12 months.

        
YES    NO    CORRECTED    CARBON MONOXIDE (CO) DETECTORS

• Your home has CO detectors near bedroom areas and family rooms.
• Your CO detectors are approved by a testing laboratory, such as Underwriters Laboratory (UL), have a digital read-out of CO levels and have a manual reset button and test button.
• Your CO detectors are dust-free and clean.
• You test your CO detectors monthly.
• You (and other members of your household) are familiar with the effects of CO poisoning (flu-like symptoms, headache, nausea, vomiting, fatigue, drowsiness,confusion, fast heart rate).You (and other members of your household) are aware of possible sources of CO (gas stoves, hot water
• heaters, gas/oil furnaces, charcoal grills, gas space heaters, wood burning stoves, fireplaces, lawnmowers, pilot lights, car exhaust, tobacco smoke).

 

 

YES    NO    CORRECTED    FIRE EXTINGUISHERS

• Fire extinguishers are in the home and                 garage.
• Fire extinguishers are easy to reach.
• You know how to use fire extinguishers (PASS method).
• Fire extinguishers are tipped upside down or lightly shaken at least once a year, to prevent contents from settling and solidifying.

        

YES    NO    CORRECTED     EXITING & EMERGENCY                                 PROCEDURES

• You have a written evacuation plan and                 practice it.
• You can identify two ways out of every room.
• You know how and when to call 9-1-1 to             report an emergency.
• You have the address and phone number for your home written in large print near every telephone.    
• Your address is visible from the street and     well lit.
• Windows open easily and are not blocked.

 
YES    NO    CORRECTED    KITCHEN

• Potholders and oven mitts (not towels) are used to move
  hot pots and pans.
  
• Pot handles are turned inward on the stove when cooking
• Towels and other combustibles are kept away from the stove/oven.
• You always attend to a stove or oven in use.

 

YES    NO    CORRECTEDBEDROOMS

• Working smoke alarms are near all sleeping areas.
• Emergency light lantern and flashlight is in the kitchen and bedroom.
• A lamp is within easy reach of the bed.
• UL (Underwriter Laboratories) tested and approved night-lights are used.

 

YES    NO    CORRECTEDGARAGE

• Flammable liquids are capped and stored in closed metal/plastic containers.
• Power tools and chemicals are locked inside a cabinet.
• Oil-soaked rags are removed and disposed of.
• Automobile is never running in the garage, even if the garage door is open.

 

Home Modifications Needed:

Grab bars                    Bath Mat, non-slip

Smoke alarms                     Night lights, all levels

Carbon Monoxide Alarm             Batteries

Non-skid backing for rugs            Safety Walk Tape

Emergency Light/Lantern Paper Accumulation & Trash Remove Bedroom:Bathroom:Kitchen:Stairs, Pathways & Gardens:Footwear:

 

 

 
FOR YOUR CONTINUED SAFETY READ THESE POINTERS!

 
General Household Suggestions:

• Have a list of telephone numbers to call in case of an emergency (911, doctors, relatives, etc.) near the phone and in LARGE, readable type or writing.
• Check all electrical cords. Replace those showing signs of wear and tear.
• Install adequate electrical outlets to prevent overloading circuits. Avoid multiple extension cords or electrics cords stretched across open areas or doorways.
• Use non-skid wax on uncarpeted floors.
• Use rubber-backed throw rugs (or place non-skid strips on backs of rugs).
• Use strong and/or even lighting through the house or apartment.
• Be sure that the doors can be unlocked from the outside in case of an emergency. This is especially important in the bathroom and bedroom.
• Put smoke detectors and fire extinguishers in appropriate places (kitchen, bedroom) throughout the house/apartment. Check smoke detector batteries twice a year.

• Put a good, sturdy lamp next to the bed, or locate the bed next to a light switch. This will enable the elderly person to find his/her way to the bathroom at night or locate a needed item without risking a fall.
• Put a stable nightstand next to the bed. This provides a place for the older person's glasses and other necessary items within easy reach.
• For frail elderly who are able to use one, place a phone on the bedside table. It will be extremely helpful incase of an emergency, and just knowing it is there may relieve an elder's anxiety and fears.
• Use a nightlight to help the older person relieve feelings of disorientation when awakening during the night.
• Keep clear pathways around the bed, to the door and to the bathroom.
• Remove casters on beds, tables and chairs. Unintended movement of furniture used for support by the elderly person can result in a fall.
• See that grab bars, railings or rope are mounted in hallways if bedroom is not easily accessible to the bathroom or living areas. Heavy pieces of furniture can also be strategically placed to serve as support for the frail person to get from room to room.
• Use a hot water bottle for warmth at bedtime. Avoid the use of heating pads and electric blankets when sleeping. Elderly are less sensitive to heat and may become overheated or burned inadvertently.
• For elderly who are smokers, arrange for a specific, safe place in the house where smoking is allowed. Discourage smoking in bed or while sitting on upholstered furniture.
• Draw up and practice an evacuation plan in case of fire or other emergency.
• Fix bed height so the older person can get on and off comfortably.
• See that storage spaces and needed items are within easy reach of the older person.

• Install grab bars by toilet and tub/shower areas. Toilet frames, arm rests or commodes can be attached to or placed around the toilet.
• Wipe up spills from shower or tub immediately or carpet entire bathroom to avoid slips or falls.
• Use shower seat and shower hose if unable to stand safely while showering.
• Check and set water heater thermostat to ensure that water temperature is not too hot.
• Avoid use of electrical equipment in the bathroom as much as possible. Water contact with this equipment may cause electrical shock.
• Avoid using bath oil in the tub or shower.

• Use walker/cane for unsteady gait if needed.
• Stand on the sidewalk, not in the street when waiting to cross.
• Look both ways before entering a crosswalk. This is especially important for those elderly with diminished hearing.
• Have regular eye examinations to ensure good vision.
• Use sunglasses, hat or cap to help prevent glare.
• When walking at night, wear white or beige clothing, use reflector tapes on shoes and clothing, or use reflectorized garments in orange or yellow.
• Find a friend or companion when going out at night. Avoid dark areas. Do not carry valuables.

• Place bright-colored, non-skid strips on the edge of steps to prevent falls.
• See that stairways, hallways, indoor and outdoor pathways are brightly and evenly lit.
• Remove protruding objects (i.e. coat hooks, low light fixtures and shelves) from stairways or pathways.
• Check steps and walkways for holes, cracks and splinters; make needed repairs.
• Use smooth but slip-resistant handrails along stairways.
• Avoid placing sharp rocks or objects along garden pathways. Keep hoses away from walkways. Store garden equipment between uses.
• Choose shoes that are flexible and easily molded to the feet. Natural materials (suede, leathers) are cooler than manmade materials (plastic, nylon). Shoes with velcro straps are easier to put on/take off.
• The soles of shoes should be made of material that grips the floor, e.g., corrugated rubber or neolyte. Leather, wood, cork or crepe soled shoes may crack and cause falls.

One Day FREE Seniors Downsizing and TRANS-ACT-ON Plan!

I am seeking one deserving senior who HAS to start getting their house in order for a FREE ONE Day Start UP Downsizing. I will work with them to assess their home, organize a plan of action, work on one critical area of their home and try and organize a support system for them to go forward.
In turn, I will be permitted to tape our work together: the intake process, the hands-on work, the day's work in it's entirety. This will be used for my promotional purposes, only.
Additional work is at my seniors rates.
Please email me if you have that senior and can make a personal introduction. DC MEtro area only. Thank you.